Those who know me may or may not believe it, but I am pathologically shy with people I don't know well. I tend to cycle through phases of being able to deal with it, and not. I'm nothing special, this is probably true of most people. . . . . though one could argue that growing up in domination and isolation had everything to do with my lack of ability to get over it. When I go into these terrified-of-every-living-thing phases, usually the only thing that soothes my social anxiety is alcohol or some other mind-altering substance. Once the initial contact is made easier by intoxication, I fair pretty well - and once I've known someone for a while, all caution is thrown to the wind!After all, I love people.
It's just the first step that's so hard to take for some reason. I know there's nothing to be afraid of. Worst case scenario I piss someone off, we have nothing in common, or they're just an asshole. . . . so we don't fraternize any longer, right? But what if I'm bothering them?! While I know in the left side of my brain that nothing terrible can occur from talking to people, the anxiety of the moment is paralyzing. Oh if only I could get my mouth open, or my brain to defrost. . . . . . . and that's when I wind up using a cure-paralysis potion.
However I shall be damned if I'm going to continue to rely on substances to talk to other human beings. So what if they realize I'm insane? Maybe they're crazy too. Maybe we could be crazy together. But how. . . how to lubricate my tongue?
Day 2: Pockets' Birthday I shall henceforth refer to Brandon as "Pockets" which is the only thing I ever call him or think of in relation to him. It's weird to keep writing "Brandon" in my blogs when that is not his name to me.
We ate some Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds (fitting, no?) and stayed up all night on the eve of Pockets' birthday. We mostly just ran around on the beach, under an incredible number of stars. Green phosphorescent algae was washing up on the shore, so it looked as though the stars had fallen into the surf. It was unreal.
Next we climbed to the top of the ridge by our house and watched the sunrise from one of those WWII bunkers. There were a few other couples up there, apparently it's a popular spot.
There were lots of awesome lava formations. and a video
After dawn, we went back to the house and my mom made taro pancakes with tropical toppings. We spent the day looking for a wetland trail that we never did find. Pockets and I went out to dinner at a TRULY authentic Japanese restaurant, where we ate our fill of sushi. This was the last time we have consumed fish of any kind, and we plan to keep it that way. Even so, I couldn't suck out the brains from the shrimp heads. After dinner we relaxed, drank some sake, and got ready to leave (our flight departed at 12:05)
It was sad to leave such a beautiful place, but it was so exciting to come home, to Oregon, for the first time. That's right, Oregon is home. Weird. Not that we aren't still adjusting. . . but I know we'll be really happy when we find our place out here.
We went to a nature reserve, the Kahana State Park, in order to hike (I kid you not, it's really called) the Manamana Trail. Doo dooo doo doooo doo. The trail was on top of a horseshoe-shaped ridgeline around a small valley and lagoon. We'd read about the trail in our guidebook, and it was supposed to be a high level of difficulty and have beautiful views. These were both extreme understatements.
When we finally FOUND the trail (it was purposely not marked, we discovered later, in order to ensure the safety of un-suspecting hikers) it went straight up. We climbed up rock faces and mud, the trail only a foot wide with drop offs on either side, to the first peak.
On our way up. That ridge across the lagoon is the continuation of the trail.
We soon learned why this trail is considered one of the most dangerous hikes in all of Oahu. (Apparently the park stresses that only really experienced hikers with lots of gear should go up there.) When we got to the top of the first peak, the wind started picking up and rainclouds materialized around the ridge ahead. The trail was already muddy, and it was all we could do not to get blown off of the 12 inches separating us from at least a thousand foot drop-off. We had to crouch down and hang on, lest we get blown to oblivion.
I don't have any good pictures of the narrow trail of the drop-off, because it's hard to take pictures when you're hanging on for dear life. Here are some helicopters flying below us.
The view was spectacular, but I was starting to get a little panicky. It was starting to rain. The wind kept getting stronger. We couldn't even see the trail ahead of us through the rain clouds. We had no gear other than some water bottles and our sneakers. Eep. So, shaken, we turned tail. Down what was clearly intended to be a one-way climb, scooting on our butts, desperately trying to maintain those 3 points of contact at all times, lest we slip on the mud or get blown off. It was definitely disappointing to have to turn back, but we still made it to a point that most hikers probably never get to see. I feel very strongly that if we had continued that day, we would not have made it back alive.
So I have one more Hawaii post to do, and then maybe a couple other things that are worth journaling, but before I start on that I need to talk about New Year's. We drank some champagne, decked ourselves out in glowsticks (and cat ears,) and went to a concert featuring the Floydian Slips (a "guess who" coverband.) The show was alright.
The nine bandmembers recreated classic Pink Floyd perfectly, I mean PERFECTLY. It was incredibly rehearsed. We really might as well have been listening to a CD. There was no emotion, no originality, and the band didn't really seem into it. The spiritual candy we took was weak, and we almost wondered if it was bunk. In addition, the audience was either much younger or older than us, and was annoying. The highlight of the show was when they played "Wish You Were Here" at the exact moment it turned midnight in Illinois ( there's a 2-hour time difference.)
This could have turned out to be a very mediocre New Years, but for a fantastic stroke of luck. Since we hadn't been able to smuggle our alcohol inside, we'd stashed it in a bush down the street and went to "get some fresh air" periodically. On one such break, we noticed that a salon down the street was emitting muted beats and it appeared as though lights might be flashing inside. We went to investigate and discovered several people, wreathed in glowsticks and in weird costumes, waiting to get in. We stopped and asked a girl what was going on, and if it was worth it. "Oh it's definitely worth it," she replied, "you rolling yet?" Aha! Exactly what we'd been looking for, and we just happened to dress appropriately. We found fantastic spiritual candies and DANCED our hearts out to the new year (run-of-the-mill techno beats soggy pink floyd hands down.)
We ran home at one point for some more spiritual candy, and Ian called us. By a coincidence? he was enjoying the same candy at the same time, and it was really trippy/happy/fucking awesome to talk/gibber with him on the phone.
We started back to the salon, but got sidetracked next to a BEAUTIFUL tree where we spent hours chatting away, renewing our bonds, and brimming with light. Our candy-cocktail was so strong at this point that we didn't notice we were drinking 3 bottles of wine as though it was simply water. This became apparent later however, when we finally began to come back, and found ourselves with horrific hangovers. The entire next day was spent in bed, awake, since we were still going. I really didn't mind the hangover though, this year exploded.
1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR? Brandon and I going through a huge tub/bottle of hot buttered rum in one night.
2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend)? Thank god I still talk to Stacy.
3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND? My catamajig, Tanuki, who has stolen my heart and all the cute within a 5 mile radius.
3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR? Leaving everything I have ever known behind me and forging a new future on the west coast.
4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR? Leaving my job and friends behind.
5) BEST HOLIDAY? 11 days on Oahu for Thanksgiving/Brandon's B-day was some direly-needed awesome.
6) YOUR SONG FOR 2008: Blackbird singing in the dead of night. .
7) MOVIE FOR 2008? House of Fools - Andrei Konchalovsky You'll love it, I promise.
8) WHO WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND? What have I become? My sweetest friend
9)YOUR BIGGEST CRUSH? Brandon. Don't get all "best kiss" "best date" "best sex" and such crap on me.
10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH? Now you are dangerously close to what I just warned you about. WATCH IT.
12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN? a plain clothes cop who sat at home and watched Young Frankenstein
13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR? Morning Glory Cafe where I had the most amazing vegan cheese sauce I never imagined was possible.
14) BOOK OF THE YEAR? Unbowed - Wangari Maathai
15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR? I should randomly go to Oregon with my hippy love.
16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR? find a job. see as many shows as possible. take a bellydancing class.
17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK? Replace "drunk" with "stoned", then get the cat stoned, put her in a box, put that box on a trolly, and try to wheel her across town.
18) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR? Kiba and The Twelve Kingdoms
19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND OF 2008? Brandon. Mei. Marni. Gilby.
20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR I think I have made myself clear on this point.
21) BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD? The CREEP who saw a lost, drunk girl (guess who) and decided to do everything within his power to pick her up and follow her home, no matter how many times she told him no and begged him to go away.
22) NEW YEAR RESOLUTION? Get a job. Realize the work that I am meant to do in life.
23) Most Memorable moment for 2008? Almost dying on a mountain in Hawaii
